Here's the truth.
Being nice, paying attention, spending time together, always there and good treatment are not everything. You can hold on and waiting but deep down, you're fighting with yourself, self-denial (you think there is still a chance and he has the same feeling too) and your expectation that he needs you and he just doesn't realise it yet. He may looked at you, smiled at you and cared for you but he is just being nice. You can't beat his ego and the wall he build up between both of you because you're not the one he wants. You are someone, a friend and he just chose you to be the one who he can rely on and coming back again and again when he needs a rest stop to take a break and have fun outside from his own world (where you're not there). He needs a partner to fill in the lonely times and a trusted person to guide him. Kawan... kan?
There is a fine line between friendship and relationship. There is flirtationship; more than a friendship but less than a relationship. I mistook all our laughs, long nights, sweet texts and jokes as you caring. He was just being nice... again.
Everyone deserves to be happy. He deserves to be happy too. He loves her and he wants her. He sees his future with her so he puts his efforts on that. He knows he has unexpectedly hurts you but things just got complicated and it wasn't supposed to be like this. Also, he is struggling; why should he gives up on the girl he loves when this is about his life. He has waited long enough and he promise himself to hold the girl till jannah. You know he is serious because "a man only fights for a girl he wants to belong to".
Allah knows best. Allah has a better plan. Allah loves you! La Tahzan, Innallaha Ma'ana.
You're not giving up on him but it's him who gave up on you. It's hard and it hurts so much. The heart aches and tears fall like rain. Just cry until it goes away because we know that it's built up anger and emotions that you've been holding in for too long. And there's a time when you're at your lowest point and you don't need people to console you or not even saying a warmth word. All you need is a hug.
Honey, all of us get broken in some way but what really matters is how we get back up and put the pieces back together. Why bother to put up with him when you're not the priority. Let it go and move on. Redha kan hati dan berdoa pada Allah. Take your time and ignore the past. It's okay to block all the links and it doesn't mean that you are being childish or immature. No, you don't hate him. It is just a way for you to be strong and focus on yourself. Because you've had enough. More than enough.
"Kamu bisa menjadi bekas isteri dia tapi kami tak akan pernah menjadi bekas ibu bapa kamu." - Cinta Paling Agung - (yes, you still has family and you should be happy and proud with it coz some people lost their family members and no one to welcome them at home so considered yourself lucky and this is not the end!!)
Truth is... it is not easy and you may fall harder because no matter how strong you are, at some point you will hit the rock bottom, and it will feel like the world is collapsing beneath your feet. But the only person who can get you back on the surface is YOURSELF!! Trust me, everything is gonna be okay. And everything happens for a reason. Trust Allah ❤
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving."
- Albert Einstein -